Runs up and bitch slaps you out of nowhere then takes off, leaving you stung, throbbing, pissed as all get out, and wanting revenge.
But as anyone with siblings KNOWS.. it’s not the initial attacker that gets busted. It’s the one who retaliates. You get in trouble, feel guilty, and more pissed at the unfairness of it all.
I have found that grief, for me, seems to come up very similarly. I am so grateful that we had time to process a bit while Mom was with us. We kinda got a jumpstart on the grief process, but it’s also been a long drug out process so some days I don’t feel so lucky. Maybe that’s why this all feels so weird and time warp-y. Because we have been mourning her for awhile really. The her that we’ve been losing all along. This final physical loss was just the dagger to the heart.
It’s easy to be pissed and want to demand answers of God, always asking why? For me, leaning in and trusting has been the answer, the saving Grace. I know it’s different for everyone but this is what helps for me. Trusting that there are answers, there is a plan, even if I can’t see it. It gives a sense of peace. And I’d much prefer that to anger, guilt, and resentment.
So bring it on grief, ya little . I’ve got a much better comeback and a bigger, badder older sibling in my corner