One year in a word… STRONGER.
Compared to last year, this one started out on a note. In the middle of the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. Losing my mom. Caring for her while she slipped a little further from us each day until simultaneously slowly and suddenly she was gone. It’s still surreal.
Sure after that I probably could’ve crawled in a hole and written off the year as a wash. But that’s not how I was raised and that’s not what I’ve been working hard towards the last 20 months. In the weirdest way.. life doesn’t stop for heartbreaking grief and loss. It keeps going, doesn’t bat an eye at your troubles and moves along with or without you..The sad and hard moments come randomly, but continually each day I show up and pour into me. I leaned into the things I knew and trusted. Faith, family and not to be cliche with 3 F’s but my Fitness.
I’ve heard them called “soulmate workouts.” Once upon a time it was @chalenejohnson and Turbo. Postpartum it was my girl @jerichomcmatthews who sparked my fire and helped me get my groove back . This time hit different.. it hit deeper, more profoundly. @autumncalabrese and this 9 week program hit at literally the hardest time in my life to date. It gave me something to lean into. A healthy outlet for a pain and heartbreak I couldn’t put into words. It was a half hour. 30 minutes to go all out, push to my edge, reminding me of my CrossFit days a bit, that hard AF challenge that leaves you weightless and clear of anything you may have brought in with you, physically working through the emotional hurt.
One year ago looked happier in some ways, sadder in others. But it’s been a year FULL of everything. All the emotions, a hell of a lot of love and strength. And now we keep going. Stopping and allowing the sad moments to envelop us, feeling the feelings, then smiling in remembrance of the awesome soul she was, and carrying on with her grace.
Another year will come and go. The time is going to pass regardless. How will YOU choose to spend it? Engaged? Present? Intentional? Or sitting back and allowing it all to pass you by?